Tanner I Hate You - PG-13

[traceyouonpaper.livejournal.com]

When Vincent opened his email, he expected a few things. He expected to find at least one email from Tanner or Annie, and he expected to find a few emails from some of the assorted receptionists and ladyfriends he'd made recently.

He wasn't expecting to find an email from himself, though.

It took about an hour for him to get to the point where he could reply – part of which was spent changing his password, which involved a call to France for grammatical advice.
_____

To: myself@tmjames.net
From: remyv@juno.com
Subject: Fwd: Re: gosh but you're not careful with your passwords!

>Original Message:
>To: remyv@juno.com
>From: remyv@juno.com
>Subject: Re: gosh but you're not careful with your passwords!
>
>Tanner, you are a dead man.
>
>A very dead man.
>
>Most people would try calling before hacking into someone else's email!
>Did you ever consider that? It is not so hard to get ahold of me by
>phone!
>
>I'm sure you'll be very happy to know that my password has been changed.
> I may end up forgetting it, but I don't think it's easy to guess. If
>you actually break this one, I'm going to give up on having passwords
>for email at all.
>
>
>
>Don't tell Annie. Please.
>
>- V
>
>
>
>>To: remyv@juno.com
>>From: remyv@juno.com
>>Subject: gosh but you're not careful with your passwords!
>>
>>Dearest Darling V,
>>
>>No, seriously. Be more careful with your passwords. I missed you during
>>the hiatus, see, and when Evie was off in – wherever she's been the past
>> week, I don't know, I'm not with her either – I figured I would check
>>up on you, and also check your email for you, since you've been
>>suspiciously quiet! We haven't heard as much from you as we might've
>>liked, especially since we were supposed to be planning a visit.
>>
>>So I wanted to see if you'd gotten my emails! Which led to trying to
>>check your email, which was way too easy for me to do, so really, be more
>>careful with your passwords.
>>
>>And I did, in fact, find my emails, along with some emails from other
>>people I knew, like Susan Harris. And a bunch of people I don't know! All
>>girls! Half the subject lines are terribly lovey-dovey. The content going
>>on about how good the sex was. I hope the sex in question was really
>>really good, because if I actually mention it to Ev, it's probably going
>>to be the last sex you ever have.
>>
>>But all I really wanted to say was that you should be more careful with
>>your passwords.
>>
>>xoxo,
>>Tanner

Comments

[andhangon.livejournal.com]

To: remyv@juno.com
From: myself@tmjames.net
Subject: the best thing to say here is "lol"
___

We don't actually have a phone. Which is why it's hard to use one! Well, okay, so we have a phone, it's an internet access point and that's it. Because – I think I can quote this verbatim. Except for how it wasn't in English. Whatever.

ME: And why is the phone not working?
EVIE: Because phones can be traced, you nitwit.
ME: So you turned the phone off.
EVIE: It works as an Internet access point.
ME: Okay. Good.

So we don't use the phone anymore!

This is why we don't give out a number. There isn't one. I have no idea how she did it, because I haven't taken the phone apart. Some deal with the company.



My actual point was, well, please give me a good reason not to tell my best friend what her boyfriend is doing behind her back, okay? Because if you've got a good reason I might actually consider it.

salutations,
t.

[andhangon.livejournal.com]

To: remyv@juno.com
From: myself@tmjames.net
Subject: postscript
___

... also, did you seriously reply to an email from yourself trying to get it to me? I love you, never change.

[traceyouonpaper.livejournal.com]

To: myself@tmjones.net
From: remyv@juno.com
Subject: what is a "lol"?
_____

Don't you people ever stop by pay phones? They can be traced too, I'm sure, but they also have a time limit on how long you're liable to use them.

Because it's over and I don't want to hurt her, is that good enough? It's over with them and I don't want it to be over with her.

- V

[andhangon.livejournal.com]

To: remyv@juno.com
From: myself@tmjames.net
Subject: like I said, with the changing, don't
___

Pay phones have cameras, don't you know, they're Really Fucking Dangerous.

This is all her logic. I am not half as paranoid, but I love her dearly, and her paranoia's kind of adorable.



What's the difference between them and her? Seriously. Because I don't know. I don't want you breaking up either; on the other hand, it's her. The Truth always gets capitalized because it is her God.

– the guilty face of Tanner, who is being used as a sofa for Harriet's dog

[traceyouonpaper.livejournal.com]

To: myself@tmjames.net
From: remyv@juno.com
Subject: I hear change is inevitable, except from vending machines
_____

I have never seen a camera on a pay phone. Where do they hide? What's wrong with ski masks?



I – don't know either. I wish I did. I think my argument would be a lot more convincing if I did. But there's something about her.

I would ask you to say hello to Harriet, but then they would know you were talking to me. Perhaps just say hi to the dog.

- V

[andhangon.livejournal.com]

To: remyv@juno.com
From: myself@tmjames.net
Subject: at times they say 'correct change only when lit'
___

Ski masks.

That is the best idea ever.


There a reason I can't let anyone know I'm talking to you? Also, okay, here:

fgggy fder5tyu


That was his response.

- Tanner and Arie
(with background argument by Madeline and Evangeline, who are not making any sense)

[traceyouonpaper.livejournal.com]

To: myself@tmjones.net
From: remyv@juno.com
Subject: Sometimes they LIE.
_____

Admittedly, if you lose the ski masks, it makes the phone call a lot more expensive.



I feel as though mentioning you're talking to me will get the question of "Oh? What are you talking about?" from at least one of them, and I don't know what you're likely to answer.

Give the dog a pat from me, while you're at it.

(What sort of sense are they not making?)

- V

[andhangon.livejournal.com]

To: remyv@juno.com
From: myself@tmjames.net
Subject: like RUGS
___

That's true. Very true. Though you can get them on discount depending on where you go and if you promise you aren't criminals – also ski masks make people very noticeable really.

(Did you know that's not spelled 'noticable'? I learned that today.)

Uh, probably I'd just say about vending machines and ski masks and why we don't have a phone. But if I keep covering for you she's never going to forgive me and I'm going to keep feeling like a bad best friend and just – why do you do this shit?


(They're on about how one of them hates that the other one did X for Y and – oh, that was your name. Huh. Maybe I should pay attention.)

– Tanner, minus dog
(he left)